I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
