im six kinds of drunk right now
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
