I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
