I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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