a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
