I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Can you bring me the toilet please
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
