just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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