Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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