I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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