i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
