i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
