Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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