my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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