No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
40s are totally the cure
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
