i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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