I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Boobs are out for the taking
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
