I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
