you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
