she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
