it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
