im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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