What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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