I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
