Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
