Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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