8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
