Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
