i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
