Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize