just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
