why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
