I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
so much tequila, so little girl.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
