I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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