I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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