I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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