Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
