I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
