where am i from again
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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