If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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