Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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