Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
