omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
