She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
