We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
