i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
