You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
