Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need a beard to bite.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
