RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
