just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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