My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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