Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
