My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
