is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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