he puts the penis in happiness.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
