When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
