The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize