let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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