Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
