so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
