Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I die, sorry about rent.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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