hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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