I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
