She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
