Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
