I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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