So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
